August Loneliness Syndrome

Hello, August! 😊

I'm so used of the phrase "(insert month here), please be good to me!" Every 1st of the month, I always see status like that. Yes, I'm guilty. I'm one of those who posts phrase like that. So August, it is! Haha. My birth month. I know, it's too soon to announce my birthday. But I'm feeling sad more than usual. I always feel lonely whenever my birthday's coming up. It's normal for me to feel lonely. First of all, sino ba namang di malulungkot pag palaging may bagyo ng birthday mo? Haha. Yung mga eksenang, naghanda ka tapos walang pumunta kasi nga malakas ang ulan. Yung mga eksenang naglilimas ka ng tubig sa bahay nyo kasi binaha yung birthday mo. Haha. Masaya, diba? Well ofcourse, I'm thankful for another year. But sometimes I don't know why I always feel lonely whenever it's coming up. 

August had been very good to me 'FINANCIALLY'. Yes! But, with what's going on with my life right now? Hindi ko na alam. Siguro I deserve this all. Kasalanan ko naman lahat. I always have a choice, pero lagi na lang yung mali yung napipili kong choice. And in the end, nagsusuffer din naman ako. 😔 Ang hirap! I haven't been sleeping much lately. Yung tulog ka pero yung isip mo alive pa din? Haha. Di makakain ng maayos. Ang hirap ng wala ka makausap. I mean, yes I have friends and I tell them what's going on but nobody can understand it well than me. They just heard story. They comfort me, yes. But at the end of the day, I always feel empty. 😔 I've always been seeking to God. But I don't know anymore whats going on with me. I'm so sad. 😭 Sometimes tears suddenly roll down my cheeks without any reason. It's so hard. So hard especially when I don't have someone I expect to be with. Hay! Sana matapos na tong August. Sana matapos na yung sakit. Haaay. On the other side, what keeps me going is that I know God is preparing something better for me. I always keep that in mind. So, whenever you feel the same as I do. Always pray. And just be strong! We can do it!! Keep holding on. 😘 

Love Yourself ❤️

While I'm staring at my wall I decided to make this blog. I miss writing. I miss blogging. I've been wanting to blog again since January. But I've been so busy with my job. So, here I am staring at my pink wall with many many thoughts inside my head. 😂😂

I'll start by saying that so far 2016 has been really really good to me. I'm always happy. I love my life & I'm loving myself more. 😍 I noticed some little changes in me. I have encountered a lot of struggles  last year. So many heartaches, confusions, stress & disappointments. But I'm so thankful for all of those things, it made me stronger & happier now. And I want this happiness to last. 

Before this year start, I made some resolutions for myself. It's a long list. And I'll share some. 👍😊 

❤️ LOVE YOURSELF MORE ❤️

Yes. Love myself more. I dediced to add some extra loving for myself. Last year, I've been very insecure & uncomfortable with myself. Feeling ko ang pangit ko ang taba ko? Haha. Mga ganon. Nag gym pa nga ko kasi feeling ko sobrang taba ko na. (2 months lang yun. At hindi ko naman msyado sineryoso!) Haha. Nakaka frustrate magpapayat. 😱 Napabayaan ko sarili ko, I was drinking almost everyday! Without having anything in my stomach. Puyat, stress & kung ano ano pa. I exhausted myself so much! So I decided to love myself more. Hindi lang siguro sa pagdadiet, pero sa lahat ng bagay na ginagawa ko. Sa lahat ng qualities ko. Sa lahat ng imperfections ko. 

🔹 (HEALTH) 🔹

I started to live a healthy lifestyle. Not totally, okay? I still don't exercise regularly & sometimes I still eat a lot of unhealthy foods. But I'm starting to. And I believe that I can make this a habit. I'm taking things slowly, I started by drinking more more water. That's number 1 on my list. I always make sure that I keep myself hydrated. Nag start ako na mag 2 glasses of water every morning at ngayon nakaka 3-4 glasses of water pa ko at warm water na din yung iniinom ko. Mas okay yung warm water sa katawan. And it also helped me to poop regularly. Dati kasi once a week lang talaga! Sobrang constipated ako. 😭 I'm glad ngayon regular na yung pagbabawas ko. 

And then next is I started to eat less than I usually do. Eto medyo mahirap sa simula! Swear. Haha. Coming from an extra-rice-person! I can eat up to 4 cups of rice before pero since nag start ako magbawas ng pagkain ko, ngayon 1 rice nalang minsan half cup pa. Konti konti lang ang process nun syempre. Hindi ko naman binigla sarili ko. Usually, after having a meal humihiga nako & nakakatulog. Yes! Masarap matulog after kumain. Haha. Pero ngayon mga 20mins muna ko nakatayo. Binawasan ko na din yung sweets & meat ko. Fruits, veggies & fish muna. Not all the time, syempre slowly din ako nag aadjust pa. At ngayon nag after 6 na ko. As in after 6 wala ng heavy meals & less water na din (pero minsan kumakain pa din ako!) Haha. I don't want to force myself & I'm enjoying with my slow process of being healthy. And ofcourse alcohol, I thought I can't live without it (ang OA pero totoo!) Kaya ko naman palang bawasan. in fact, yung everyday kong pag inom ngayon naging once-twice a month na lang! Diba? Ang saya! Maybe sooner or later hindi na ko mag iinom totally. Next target ko is regular exercise & adding sports to my life. (I'm not the sporty type of girl!) I can do this! And I know, kaya nyo din to. Sa simula mahirap talaga. 😊 Lagi ko lang iniisip na gusto ko mawala yung excess fats sa tummy ko (beer belly talaga yun! Lol!) At syempre gusto ko din mas maging confident sa pananamit ko. Ang hirap kasi minsan ang laki ng tyan ko mukha kong buntis sa mga suot ko, kaya ang tagal ko pa mag decide ng susuotin pag may lakad ako. Motivation lang guys! 👍

🔹 (SPIRITUAL) 🔹

It's not just my health that I'm after. Ofcourse I want a balanced love for myself so I also added some exercise to enhance my spiritual life. That includes reading Bible daily (minsan nakakalimutan ko, so nag reminder ako sa phone ko to read random verses every morning), I also pray pray pray. Whatever situation I'm in, I pray. Hindi lang pag kailangan ko ng emergency tulong kay God but for thanking God for every little blessings that I'm receiving everyday. I'm thankful for having the time to blog again. I'm thankful for being on time with my appointments. I can see little improvements! Gusto ko din na hindi ako maka-miss ng Sunday mass. Pero I already missed one Sunday. But I'll do my best not to missed a Sunday mass anymore. Nag decide na din ako na mag serve kay God every Sunday and we're still training (kasama ko boyfriend ko & his colleague). Masaya ko kasi kahit hindi bagay sakin maging mabait eh ginagawa ko pa din! Haha. Madami akong friends na judgemental at syempre ako din dati. Kaya minsan di talaga maiwasan na najjudge nila ko sa mga pagbabago ko. Keri lang naman. I understand them. At eto na talaga ko, hindi ako nagmamalinis. Ofcourse, I still do bad stuff, I still judge others pero unlike before nabawasan na yun and hopefully I'll make this as one of my habits as well. 😊 Always pray & to become more humble. One of the things that I've learned on our servanthood101. 😊

🔹 (EMOTIONALLY) 🔹

This is my favorite part of loving myself more. Sobrang weak ko dito before, na hanggang ngayon pa din naman but because of what I've been through last year medyo naiimprove ko na din. I've decided to become more positive, this is one of the hardest thing to do. Lalo na may mga time na hindi mo maiiwasan mag isip ng negative, pero ngayon nagsisimula palang ako magisip ng negative na didivert ko na agad sa positive. Thank God! Lalo na yung overthinking, nawala na din sya sakin. I also avoided gossip & being judgemental. (minsan di ko pa din maiwasan especially when I'm with my friends) Pero ngayon whenever I judge someone naiisip ko agad na mali yun tapos nagsorry ako kay God. Prayer lang talaga ang katapat ng negativity. Swear! Nakakagaan talaga ng feeling. Hindi ko na din iniistress sarili ko sa mga maliliit na bagay ngayon. There are some situations na nakakastress ofcourse di naman maiiwasan yun, (especially if you're in sales industry) but I always hand the situations that I can't handle to God. Again, prayer. Hindi ka lang maiimprove emotionally but you'll improve spiritually as well. Every morning I wake up I always make a decision to be happy! Nasa isip lang naman natin yan. If we learn to appreciate every little things that God has given us, we'll be more happier & content. Yung mga simpleng reklamo na din sa araw araw, yung traffic or yung boss mong mainit ulo. Haha. Mas okay ma traffic knowing you're going somewhere kesa naman wala tayong mapuntahan, diba? And who knows, maybe may pinagdadaanan lang yung boss mo kaya mainit ulo. Let's just be thankful for the life that we have & not be affected of what the universe throws at us. Let's be a magnet of happiness! 😊😊

I love sharing these not to boast but I hope I can help others improve self love. It's not being selfish but it's taking care of the life God has given us. Let's be happy physically, emotionally & spiritually. Always, balanced. We can do this everyday. Hindi mo na lang mapapansin yung unti-unting pagbabago sa sarili mo. Happiness glows from the inside. 😊

CSR Life 101

I was recently hired at Teleperformance last August 8, 2014 under Wellcare Account (Prescription Drug Plan), I started training August 12. Luckily, I passed the assessments and move along to product training and again thank God I passed all the assessments. I graduated training last week September 12. And Last Monday I started taking calls. So far, so good. Haha! This is my first call center experience and I had so many difficulties adjusting especially with my schedule 11pm to 8am, my first day of call didn't went very well and I lost everything that I've learned from the training. Seriously! Everything just disappeared on my head. Gosh! I got very upset with my calls because I knew that I didn't satisfy the customers. But that was ok, our trainers always say that we just have to forget everything that happened during the calls and during our entire shift so that the next day our minds will be refreshed and to always take every call as if it's our first call. NEVER ASSUME that every customer have the same issue. ALWAYS ASK & PROBE. So, I followed that. And yesterday my calls were good and I can see that I've improved in some parts. I was really happy with the results and I strive to be the best agent! Chos! HAHAHA meganon? By the way I got the lowest AHT, not sure if it's bad or good but they said it's good. 560 for AHT. Good enough? I really missed writing andd sharing thoughts here on my blog thats why Im doiing this and to practice my writing skill as well. I have a very great experience so far, I'm enjoying my job and I can see that I'm learning. I also found new set of friends, they're really nice to me all of them. :) I'm happy to be a CSR. Some may see this job very common and always say that "karamihan ng wala mahanap na work sa call center nagaaapply." I'm guilty for that, I used to say that before but right now when I actually had an experience, my gosh! It's not easy.. Napakahirap pala! You have to undergo a lot of training, assessments, traners. Ay nakakalola talaga! There's even a point where I wanted to quit. Haha. Nakakastress ttalaga minsan! Good thing I have my boyfriend na talaga namang nakakawala ng stress ko! It feels good to have someone to talk to yung sasabihin mo lang lahat ng nangyari and then okay ka na. Wala na stress! I'm so lucky to have him, kasi he always supports me in everything that I do, he encourages me to do best, he listens to my rants and he always understands me. 💚💜💙💛 I have a very good life! Thank God. At syempre yung famiily ko din happy sila kasi may work na ko, tapos sobrang nakikita ko yung care nila especially my dad & brother. My dad always ask me kung kumakaen daw ba ko ng tama chuva chuva haha. though minsan lang kami magusap through facebook. At yung kuya ko naman lagi din concern saken he suggested that I should take vitamins. Kailangan ko daw yun, anemic pa naman daw ako tapos ggraveyard shift pa ko lagi. I feel veery special kasi I have the best people surrounding me. Ang saya lang ng life. Ang sarap gumising sa umaga na alam mong marami nagmamahal sayo! Lol. Di ko na kinaya mag english, juice colored! 8hrs a day ka ba naman puro english di ka ba maubusan nun? Haha. Dinudugoo na nga ako feeling ko. Ang arte lang eh noh! Madami nga ko callers na nag rrequest ng US agent iba nga kasi  accent natin mga pinoy sakanila. Minsan may tumawag din saken pinay, gustuhin ko man mag tagalog hindi naman pwede! Haha. Bottomline is I'm really enjoying this job and I hope I can improve more as days go by. And that is all! 😃😀

Just so you know

I've been hearing alot about me. Especially about my lovelife. People talks about it like they know everything I've been through. I'm an open person and when it comes to my life I always tell what's true and I'm not fond of hiding things to myself.

Why is it that they always have negative things to say? I mean what do they get from that? I actually don't care about what they say or think. It's just that they got it wrong. First of all how can they say this "Ang dali mo namang palitan yung boyfriend mo." Hello? We've been together for almost 5 years and they can see that things between us are not that good. I loved him but he's not treating me right in case they don't know. I've spent years of my life trying to fix a relationship that's not working anymore. I've spent years trying to change myself in order to please him. It's not easy. I can get tired too. it's not that I'm always gonna pretend that everything's well. I may come happy all the time, smiling like everything's alright when inside I feel like dying! But what happened? Nothing! Never ending fights and break-ups. I'm not saying that it's his fault. I did him wrong too. I admit that. And everyday he made feel that it's my fault. That's our relationship. Can you still say how can I replace him that easy? Can you tell me what "easy" means to you? If that means living in pain, yes. That's EASY! Second thing is they always tell me "Kawawa naman sya. Mabait naman sya ah." Okay, yes he is "mabait". I have nothing against that he's really "mabait" when it comes to getting along with my family. He's polite. But trust me when it comes to me I don't know how to define the word "mabait". I'm not saying that he's bad maybe he's been really hurt with my mistakes that he has to treat me like I owe him everything. "Kawawa"? Hell no! I did everything for him if you didn't know. I took all the pain emotionally and physically just to save our relationship. Lahat yun tiniis ko, so he doesn't deserve to be "kawawa". Last thing is they always ask me what went wrong but I don't answer. If you wanna know what, well 1 word. EVERYTHING! Everything's wrong. So please, stop asking me about him. If you really know me you should know why.

I'm tired of hearing gossips. May masabi lang? All I can say is I'm very happy now and that's what I never felt with my previous boyfriend. And I don't care anymore of what you'll say about that. I thank all my friend and family for understanding me. And for my boyfriend, thank you for everything. He knows everything I've been through. He accepts me as I am. He treats me like he's very own princess. He loves me very much. And the best thing I love about him is that I don't have to pretend, I can always be myself and he loves me for that!

MY GIRLFRIENDS! ♥

It's fun to have a lot of friends. To be in a circle of big set of friends, but is it better when you only have few of them but they were all there for you through good and bad times? I may have lots of friends, but I can only count those who were really a friend to me.

I'm so blessed for having them. I made mistakes, I was never really there for them in their downs, I avoided them and tried not to hang out with them for some stupid reasons, I was really never a good friend. But they never left me and they were the only one I have in times of trouble.

Nicca Issadana Arce

She's my elementary bestfriend. We may not talk a lot now, but she will always be my bestfriend. She knows me well more than anyone! We've been friends since the 5th grade. She accepts my craziness. No matter what. I really miss you bebx! Thank you for everything! :) I love you. And I miss youuu so much bebx! :( 

Ellie Dane Lasquite

Also my bestfriend in elementary also in 5th grade. Very sweet. We talk often now but we update each other through weChat. Lol. She have been there through bad times. Thank you for your friendship! And I'll never forget that you're the only one who attended my birthday! LOL I love you, dhane! Unfortunately, we don't have pictures. Yung naaalala ko yung picture lang natin nung elementary na nagsayaw tayo tapos naka-costume tayo! LOL

Karla Shane Leofando

My bestfriend since 3rdYr highschool. There's a lot that I can say about this girl. When we first met, she's a transferee on our school. And since I'm very talkative I talk to her a lot. She was so shy. "Di makabasag pinggan" that's what she is when I met her. Then we became friends, we became BESTfriends! She's been through all my heartbreaks! Me too. I've been through all her heartbreaks. I don't know why but she's very stupid! Hahahaha, peace bhaby! We talk almost everyday. And though things have changed now that she is a mother, we're always here for each other. I love you bhaby! Eventhough you're very stupid when it comes to love, I'll never get used of giving you hard advices! Lol. Thank you for still being there though I'm so meaniie! Mwaa

Bernadette Krizelle Canilang

She's my college friend. One of the best. She's very mature, she's like my "ate" We got along just fine. First day of school seatmate. Friends since day 1 at STI. And then friends on gimiks. Drinking buddy. She's been so great to me. She saw me cry, I mean I cry all the time. Haha. And being the V of them, I always feel out of place whenever they talk about the F thing. Lol. That was history! Cutting buddy! Yes, we love to skip class. Lucky to have her. I love you bhe! Thank you for everything! We've been through a lot and I really hate you for being a mom first. I should be the first one. Chos! Anyway, I'm so jealous 'cause you have baby na! You know I much I wanted to.

Shierica Soriano

The craziest girlfriend of mine! Lol. One of the best! Been through a lot! She always make me smile! She was once a verrrry verrrry good girl! Haha. She is very brave about everything and anything' not when it comes to ghost! Lol. She has taught me to become more stronger and confident! She's also like my "ate" MAMA. Where's DADA? Thank you bhe for always being there! Even on my STUPID days! And thank you for always being with me whenever I wanna go out! Sherwood and harbor days! Kahit dalawa lang tayo always on the goo ka! And for shopping with me always! You know what I mean! Bwahaha. I love you bhe! Always!

Ana Patricia Dizon

My new found friend! She's my neighbor at greenpark. Almost 2 years of friendship, but it feels like we've known each other since birth! Lol. She's very kind and sweet little girl! Little talaga? Chos! My gossip girl buddy. We love to watch gossip girl and we love to drink! She's smart and fun to be with. I like her since the day I met her! 2 years is not that long but we have made lots of memories together! You're always there whenever I tweet you, I was like "A, punta ka dito. Inom tayo problemado ako" and you're in front of me like whoah. Thank you for always listening! I love you, A! Goodluck on your studies. You know you love me, XOXO. Gossip girl! 

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Sorry I choose the solo pics. And gosssh! Nahirapan ako pumili! Nakakalokaaa. Especially kay Shie, 731 profile photos? OMG!! LOL. And I have to text Bern to ask where's the picture that I wanted to put here. Wag na din kayong magreact sa mga photos na kinuha ko, talagang pinili ko lang yung maganda ako! No violent reactions ha, this is my blog! Hahaha. 

I never chose you, it just happen that you have become so close to me. The weirdness the craziness and the fun we all have when we're together are priceless. I wouldn't be like this kung hindi rin dahil sainyo. Sobrang love ko kayo! I share everything to all of you and there may be times na di tayo nagkakaintindihan pero you never use my secrets against me. Thank you so much, girls! Never kayong nawala pag kailangan ko kayo. And I hope that we become friends till the end! Kahit masama ugali ko, iyakin, lasinggera, maingay, napaka-tigas ng ulo ko, sobrang lakas kumain, makulit, maldita, echosera lahat ng negative sakin tinanggap nyo. :) I'm so lucky to have friends like you!

FRIENDS FOREVER?